september 25, 2022 at 3:42pm

all the fear here. the fear, the scaredness and restrictive limits to existing.

the scaredness of being fat. with my chubby elbows and a belly that’s always bowed out in a pout.

the scaredness of being black. with my nappy kinky frizzy hair that resists being tamed. edges that won’t slick and stick down. hairs that find themselves, loving them selves in single, private, intimate knots.

the scaredness of being a woman (of what we’re told that it is and what it means). with cookin food good enough, cleanin spic and span enough. being witty and having singular sex (with one person who is and always should be a man) good enough.

the scaredness of being smart. in a way that matters. with me finding words and concepts and methods and stories and examples to become more easily understood and being smart in a way that doesn’t confuse others (and especially not my own self.)